


Ships passing in the night...

by arctor89



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 00:19:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14320299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arctor89/pseuds/arctor89
Summary: A conversation(confrontation) between "friends" over coffee and tea.Guys, after the train wreck ending of the show, I needed to fix some things





	Ships passing in the night...

**Author's Note:**

> this took too long

Helena let out a slow exhale and gingerly sipped her tea. Pleasantries had been easy enough, vague comments on the weather and the setup of her modest apartment had carried them to the kitchen. But just as she put the kettle on, a call on Myka’s Farnsworth disturbed the intimate atmosphere. The agent excused herself to Helena’s sitting room, Artie’s gruff tone drifted into the kitchen followed by reassuring murmurs from Myka. Helena busied herself with preparing their drinks, taking note that the Warehouse’s business was not her own. Not anymore. The brief interruption was enough to break the tenuous flow they had established. And now here they sat, unsure of how to proceed and taking turns sipping their drinks in an increasingly uncomfortable silence.

Myka had learned secondhand that Helena moved back to Cheyenne after splitting up with Nate, taking a job as an adjunct professor at a local college. When an artifact retrieval brought her within close proximity to the small city, Myka reached out, not really expecting an invitation. Especially after several failed attempts to get in touch with her.

Unable to withstand the building tension between them, Myka submitted herself to clumsily navigating the encounter she had initiated. “Pete’s in love with me.” she blurted.

Helena sputtered, almost choking on her tea. “Well-” clearing her throat, “I knew there was something between the two of you. I just never thought it was romantic.”

“Neither did I. Not really.” Myka admitted, relieved that someone else shared the same sentiment. “Though, I supposed it was always within the realm of possibility.”

“So, then… How do you feel? Are you- Is it reciprocated” Helena asked, unable to say the words ‘ _Are you in love with him too?’_ out loud.

Myka shrugged. “He’s my best friend. Apparently everybody at the Warehouse could tell but me. It certainly explains all the weird looks Steve has been giving me over the past several weeks.” She thought back to when H.G. rejoined the Warehouse and how often Claudia had teased Myka about having a crush on the _Father of Science Fiction_. Myka could feel the corners of her mouth tug into a small smile. _Bering and Wells…_ “Usually, everyone seems to be more in tune with how I feel than I do…” She trailed off.

“Myka?” Helena looked concerned.

“Hmm?”

“Just now, you seemed far away. Where did you go?”

“I was thinking-“ Myka paused, her stomach swooping at the prospect of finally clarifying what had gone unsaid over the last few years. “Was it just me?”

“I’m sorry?” Helena’s brow knitted together in confusion.

Myka pressed on. “Was I the only one who had harbored a _maybe_ about us? I mean, for there to eventually be an _us_?”

Helena lowered her gaze to her cup, the placid surface of her tea mocking the turbulence inside of her. “What would be more cruel? To know if we had missed our chance, or to realize that we never had one at all?”

Myka nodded, her sentiment mirrored Helena’s. It may not have been the answer she had desired to hear, but at least it was an affirmation. “I figured that it was a timing issue. As though we had always been living our lives out of sync. It was easier to hope for the possibility surrounding a _someday/maybe_.”

It was true. Their ambitions were invariably driven by different motives. Whether it be revenge, redemption… or retribution. Helena sighed at the realization, defeated. For she knew all too well how unforgiving time could be. Her very existence was a testament to it.

“Like ships passing in the night.” She said softly. A sad smile graced her features. Their history was a myriad of _what-ifs_ , with no guarantee that their feelings would have been actualized. She had long since let go of what could have been; had she left Nate and Adelaide that night to return to the Warehouse with Myka and Pete.

“Myka,” She implored, “Are you happy?”

Myka tilted her head and closed her eyes, searching within. Truthfully, she had yet to consider the question in her current state. Was she happy? She tried to clear her mind, to purge it of all images of the Warehouse. Of Artie, Claudia, Steve, Mrs. Frederic. Of Pete… And Helena. She tried to focus on the raw abstraction of feeling coursing through her.

“I… It’s hard to say. Maybe I’ve grown complacent in my contentment, in knowing that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. Though there is still a sadness. It’s sort of a nagging feeling. I can’t help but feel as though I’ve lost something along the way. But-” Myka’s expression grew dejected for a moment before shifting into ambivalence, “I suppose I feel the potential for happiness. I’m hopeful.”

Helena nodded.

“What about you? Are you happy?” Myka inquired.

“I would like to think so.” An ambiguous answer to match Myka’s. Superficially, she was. Steady occupation helped quiet her mind. But just under the surface, Helena knew there was a part of her that felt as though she would never truly deserve anything more.

“Would like to?” Myka’s dissatisfaction with Helena’s response rang clear.

“I think I’m still searching for forgiveness. Perhaps I will always feel that way.” Helena took a sip of her tea and set mug the back on the table delicately. “I tried to run away from my past and be someone else. I thought I could retreat into the simplicity of the life that was Emily Lake. Even then, I felt haunted by my lies. I wanted so desperately to feel normal.”

“Yeah, I thought Nate was a little too vanilla for you.” Myka asserted as she idly rotated her cup of coffee. Its handle reminded her of the tine of a clock.

“It was really about Adelaide. You knew that right away.” Helena conceded. In retrospect, it was embarrassingly obvious.

“Do you still have contact with her?”

“Here and there. Mainly through letters. Even though the parting was amicable, I prefer to limit my interference in her father’s life. He deserves room to move on.”

“I shouldn’t have said- what I said about him. I was jealous.” Myka confessed. “And hurt.”

“Yes, well-” Helena began, but was quickly interrupted.

“I did understand _why_ though. I mean, I think I do. On why you’ve chosen to live a life apart from the Warehouse. You gave so much of yourself to it. So much has been taken from you.”

“I’ve stopped blaming the Warehouse, Myka.” Helena said breathily. 

Myka looked bewildered. “With everything that happened… Do you truly feel that way?”

“Of course! Being amidst endless wonder, it was invigorating. Intoxicating, really. Just because I’m not an official agent anymore, doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten what it was like. Or the esteem that came with it.” Helena reached reflexively for her locket containing Cristina’s picture and continued. “It was different in my time. I was limited by the rules of a society that would sooner see me in subjugation than as a respected intellectual. Being an agent of the Warehouse afforded me an elevated rank among men that otherwise wouldn’t have considered me capable of cognizant thought, let alone judge me as their equal. What had brought me out of despair was wonderment. The Warehouse never gave me more than I could handle. It was civilian life that was always such a struggle. It was everything outside of the Warehouse. That is why I must do what I am doing now. I have to learn to live my life out in the world. I need to live out of the isolation. And here I am, in a time when I can exercise my autonomy. Granted, it’s still not ideal, but… now I have options that I scarcely could have dreamed up in my fiction. I shall forever be grateful for the adventures I had. You told me that the Warehouse was my truth, but that is only partially correct. It was my sanctuary. I can’t keep retreating there because I’ve been afraid to move forward.”

“Do you think you would come back? In time?”

Helena smiled mischievously. “I suppose it is not outside the realm of possibility.”

Myka smirked. In an absurd way, it felt like Helena was feeding the phrase she had used earlier back to her.

“May I-,” Helena hesitated, “May I ask why you chose me of all people to talk to about about Pete?”

“Because I’m confused. And I thought you could provide me with insight. And I trust you.”

Myka’s answer was equally evasive and disarming. Helena would not abide.

“It feels like you are asking me you tell you what to do. You either have feelings for him or you don’t.”

“I’m asking what you would do if you were me.” Myka said innocently.

“I think you know perfectly well what I would do.” Helena wanted to add _In which case, you should probably do the opposite_.

“No. No, I really don’t.” Myka insisted. “In all the times I thought I had you figured out, you’ve spun me around. I’ve learned my lesson with trying to predict what you would do in any situation. It’s very disconcerting.”

“Am I such a puzzle to you?” Helena chuckled.

“More of an enigma.” It was still such an easy air to conjure up between the two of them. _Bering and Wells._ Myka ached at the thought of leaving this apartment. Of making the drive back to the Univille with so much left unspoken. No more! No more pouring over conversations in her head. No more obsession over subtext.

“You’re right to ask why. Telling you about Pete isn’t the reason that I contacted you. It was more of a catalyst. A justification to confront my own feelings. My misgivings.” A blush crawled up Myka’s neck as she spoke.

“Oh?”

“You left.” Myka stated.

“Of course I did.” Helena replied, seemingly unaffected.

“What I mean to say is, you left me. I could understand why you felt that you needed to disconnect from the Warehouse. What I don’t understand is why you had to leave me too. You cut all contact.” Myka sighed, “Until you needed us for something artifact related.”

“I thought it unwise to engage… ” Helena faltered, aiming to choose her words carefully, “I only sought to narrow the entanglements from my life as an agent. Lest I be inclined to return prematurely.”

“What changed? What was different about today that made you answer my call?”

“My desire to see you outweighed my conviction.”

Myka shook her head in frustration. “Sometimes I wondered if I was crazy. If I had imagined it all. I tried to tell myself that I was alone in my feelings. Especially after I came for you. Begged you to return with me. And you didn’t.”

“I had already made my decision. And I was never going to ask you to be something other than you are.”

“What does that mean?” Myka groaned.

“You’re an agent, Myka. You love being an agent. I didn’t know when I was going to be ready to go back. And I could see it in your eyes, that you were going to wait for me. An implication I needed to dissolve. In the end, one of us would be forced to make a choice. You would have grown to resent my lack of involvement in much the same way as I most assuredly would.” Helena looked down at her tea, suddenly unable to reconcile the pretense of drinking it. She got up, poured out the contents into the sink, and rinsed her cup.

“That sounds like an incomplete answer.” Helena heard Myka say quietly from behind her.

Helena shut off the water abruptly, aggravation apparent in her jerky movements as she dried her hands. She turned around to face Myka. “It was too great of a risk. _I’m_ too great of a risk! You believe that I didn’t want to reach out for you?” Helena’s voice broke. “That I didn’t watch you go, feeling like I was losing more than I could bear? I did! I’ve never wanted someone more!”

“Then why? Please, tell me why.”

“When I lost my Cristina, I lost myself. I killed people. I nearly caused a world-ending cataclysmic event. It was no longer about avenging my daughter. In my madness, punishing the world was my solution. And letting myself get close to you, only to potentially end up losing you in a similar way? They say I’m rehabilitated, but-“ Helena grimaced, “I can’t trust myself. Whose to say that I wouldn’t repeat the cycle? It’s hard enough now! Knowing that you’re out there retrieving artifacts. Knowing that ultimately I cannot to protect you…”

“Do you really have so little faith in me and my abilities? Is that your perception of me?” Despite her sympathetic gaze, Myka’s tone was tinged with ice.

“Myka, with agents, you know just as well as I do that it is not a question of _if_ , it is a question of _when_. There is merely the inevitable. The trident? The masonry from the House of Commons? Those are only two examples of artifact nuclear devices. Would you have me so close to the temptation of that power again?”

“You think you have the monopoly on questionable decisions? You think I don’t know what it’s like to wrestle with the responsibility of an unfathomable darkness?” Myka protested. “I turned back time for you. So don’t you dare! Don’t you dare pretend as if ignoring me was a greater act of nobility than forcing me to watch you die. You make grand speeches about living life yet deny yourself the very thing that makes life worth living. And for what?Providence? Punishment? God, how can you be such a hypocrite?”

“What do you want me to say? Shall I list my regrets for you?” A sob escaped Helena’s throat. She covered her mouth and turned back to the sink, unable to be laid bare in front of Myka like this. She fought to stifle further cries, cursing her body for betraying her.

Myka slowly got up from the table and walked to where Helena stood. Helena could feel the heat at her back, desperately wanting and dreading the contact. Arms circled around her midsection as Myka pressed against her, trying to calm her heaving figure.

Regaining her composure, Helena pleaded, “Can’t you understand? You have the power to dismantle everything that I’ve worked so hard to rebuild, and break apart what semblance of normality I can claim. You’re angry with me because you think I didn’t choose you, but that’s exactly what I did. I chose a better life for you. Without me.” She lamented, “I wanted to save you.”

“Then just this once” Myka whispered as she guided Helena to turn around. “Let me save you instead. Give me the agency of being something other than the impetus of your destruction.”


End file.
